Working Moms

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I didn't know it until now but working moms have it pretty tough.
I wont pretend to know what other working moms feel rather just express what I feel.
I worked before I had kids and felt like it was just a part of life. You wanted something, you had payments to make, you needed to buy things so you worked.
It wasn't until life happened in a big beautiful way that I became a mom and had the blessing of staying home with my girls.
I lived this charmed life for almost 5 years.
Life happens everyday but sometimes it's ugly. Sometimes its beautiful and sometimes you just don't know what it is.
Well it got ugly on January 31st.
My husband was faced with a life changing injury and unable to go to work.
That being said, we still had bills to pay, things we wanted and needs.
It left me to go out and work.
In no way did I realize how it would effect me. I had no idea it would flip me upside down in every emotional way possible. It would make me doubt myself. Question myself and utterly wreck havoc on my mind and soul.
For the first time in my adult/parent life I knew I wasn't enough. I knew I couldn't be everything to everyone who needed me.
And there wasn't any reason to cry about it.
No reason to be upset.
It was going to be okay.
The reality is, I wasn't everything before I went to work.
I may have thought I was but no. I was wrong.
I get to think about all the things I wished I had been doing with my kids.
Think about the things I wanted to teach my girls. Thinking about the things I wish I had known about how to be better at everything.
Its nonsense.
Who really can be everything to the people who matter the most?
Moms who are lawyers? No, they have nannies raising their kids.
Moms who are doctors? No, they have a gaggle of nannies raising their kids.
Moms who work at the supermarket? No, they have friends and family raising their kids.
Moms who are teachers? No, they have daycare raising their kids.
We all have our own jaded opinions of working moms and that's human nature.
Fine. Have your opinion. I have mine. Its not always nice.
Fact. Its no one business why moms work. Except that mom and her family.
Fact. I wish I was able to raise my kids 24/7 and on weekends.
I really bet I'm not alone in that.
I bet other moms who have to work feel the same profound weakness as I do.
Moms all over are getting up each morning and making chocolate milk and turning on cartoons for the kids while she gets dressed and ready to be apart of the public workforce.
Moms all over drop off her kids 10 minutes early to pre-school so she can make it to work on time.
Moms all over kiss the toddler good bye hoping she doesn't give dad too hard of a time.
Moms all over kiss their husbands good bye praying that he's not in too much pain to take care of her babies and remember the dance class later that afternoon. Or to remember that the baby has a bump on her bum that needs butt cream. Or that she left clothes in the dryer that need folded and a sewing room that needs cleaned.
She just leaves everyone with a kiss and a good bye and hopes that the day will pass in quick fashion.
She thinks through out the day of what she'd be doing if she where home.
What she'd clean or what needed organized.
Who needed to be hugged after falling.
Who needed a boo boo kiss after getting stung by a bee.
Who needs a swat on the bum after making a big mess.
Who needs a time out after hitting her sister.
The list will go on all day until she drives in the drive and see's three smiles waiting for her.
All the worries are gone and give way to a tiredness she's not ever understood.
She'll make dinner, wash faces and kiss the kids good night.
Lay her head on the pillow next to her husband and force herself to be in the moment.
She wont allow one thought of the next day to interrupt her short time in a place that she feels the most at peace.
So its okay. I guess that's I'm saying.
Its okay to be a working mom.
I'm okay with it.
I know my kids will be okay without me for 8 hours a day.
I know I'll be okay with the time I do have with them.
I know my life is beautiful and its filled with blessings from a Father in Heaven who knows me.
And He's okay with me.
I need to be okay with me too.
Yeah, be okay with who you are right now.
I know I can better. I know what needs work.
But I know I can't be everything. I can't.
I wont cry anymore about not being the cookie mom that I think everyone else is.
Fact. Cookie Cutter Mom doesn't exist. She's a mythical creature that we all made up when Barbie had kids.
Carry on working moms. High five me when you see me in the window.
Sadie.