Me, Last Year

Is it just me or was I huge? Oh yeah, I was huge. OK, I wasn't a monster or anything but lets not blow smoke up my bum and say " You didn't look that bad!" followed by some lame frown smile. But you what? I'm okay with it. That was last year. Today I weighed in at 159lbs. I made my goal. I am so happy with myself I could almost cry! I've lost 50lbs! I understand that for most Americans thats not a big deal since so many people face the daunting task of losing 100lbs or more. We like to ask how they got that way or why but the fact is I CAN ONLY CHANGE ME. YOU CAN ONLY CHANGE YOU. I don't care if I had to lose 100lbs or 10lbs., I needed to lose it to be healthy.

I have to blog about this because it's on my mind so bare with me. I went through all these pictures the other day just thinking about where I was and what I was doing in my life when these pictures were taken. Take the first. I was fishing at Jordanelle Lake near Heber with Corey. We were still dating at the time. It must have been early summer of 2007. I was having such a good time fishing!! I was catching all the fish (naturally) and we were really enjoying one another's company. I wasn't thinking how my back side looked like a muffin rolling out of the pan. I wasn't worried about my body at all. In fact, I remember thinking I looked good!

Picture 2: My wedding day! Again I was only thinking about the fact that my parents had just flown in from Alaska and I was about to marry Corey in the living room our new house. I wasn't thinking about how bad that shirt looked on me or the way the jeans hated my lower body entirely. I don't think I thought about what I was even going to wear that day let alone how sloppy my body looked.

Picture 3: I'm not pregnant by the way. Or at least I don't I was! It was one of those days Corey and I drove up some dirt road to explore and find a lake or river to fish out of. What got my attention in this picture was my face. Its a big face.

And the last picture. The beginning of my journey. It was actually taken after I had lost 10lbs or so. I started at 208lbs. I felt like if I wore black it would make me look smaller. Nothing hides fat. No shirt, pants, spanks, sweater...nothing. Fat is fat and when you have too much of it you can't hide it. You can convince yourself you look though. The mind has this way of helping you cope with it. So does the media. Shows like "More to Love" where bigger girls run around acting like its okay that they let themselves go so far. Before I go on, I do need to say that being fat doesn't make you a bad person. You are still deserving of love and respect. Corey married me at my heaviest. He loved me then and he loves me now. What I'm trying to say is that being overweight is just an excuse. We all have our stories and our reasons or excuses and none of it matters. Get over it and get on with it. Being healthy is first and foremost. Our bodies are amazing gifts and we need to take care of them. Whether for spiritual reasons, medical or personal we all should strive to live a healthier life.

Today I weigh 159lbs. Its not "skinny". Its HEALTHY. I still have my muffin top. I still have wings on my arms. I still have giggly thighs. I just have 50lbs less of it. I can run 2 miles without stopping or feeling winded. I can do push ups. I can do sit ups. I can walk to the post office and take the long way. Its about life changes. Its about acknowledging you can be better. I thought I was okay then. I changed my mind and decided okay wasn't good enough.

I will get Corey to take some pictures of me when he gets home tomorrow so you can see the AFTER.